I wanted to start this blog off by saying no matter what your beliefs or opinions, I am not here to judge you. I’m just here to share a story. You don’t have to agree with everything in the Bible (I don’t!) to get something out of it.
Whether you’re a religious person, someone who believes in a Higher Power, someone who doesn’t believe in anything – even if you’re just confused (hey, we all are) – I think this blog can be helpful for you.
I want to talk about my journey of going from someone who had basically no relationship with a Higher Power to someone whose relationship with God is growing and thriving.
If you’re feeling the way I was and have a calling to begin a new relationship with your Higher Power, I invite you to do just that. Start by saying a prayer and see where it takes you.
While I was growing up, we went to church most Sundays, but I don’t think any of us really enjoyed it – we were just going because it was what’s expected of a white middle-class family in the south. I’m sure we could’ve joined somewhere that we would have thrived at – I just don’t think we were in the right church.
As I got older, I started to dislike it more and more – I always felt like I didn’t fit in with the other kids and had tons of anxiety surrounding church as a whole. Eventually, my family stopped going or we would only go on Christmas Eve.
I still retained my faith and would pray when I thought about it.
When I was 19 I started dating someone who was basically against religion or faith of any kind. I was strongly influenced (even more than I realized) by his thoughts and opinions and I quickly lost touch with my spirituality.
I lost touch with a part of me that had truly helped me get through some of the worst times in my life because of some guy.
That’s the thing about God though. Even though you abandon Him, He doesn’t leave you.
At this time, I thought I had my whole life under my control. Everything was controlled and dictated by me – at least that’s what I thought.
But, in reality, my life was being controlled by the people I was spending time with and the emotionally abusive relationship I was in.
I thought I had too much going on to have to add another thing to do – like praying or thinking of anyone other than myself. My life was a complete wreck.
I remember having fights, breakdowns, and questioning myself about my decisions constantly. I had no confidence.
I had some friends who would promote their version of Christianity online – posting Bible verses on Facebook while swapping pills with family members at home.
That view and the influence of the abuser I was dating completely turned me away from any type of faith I could’ve possibly had – for years.
And the years went by. I continued to have relationships with different people who didn’t support the belief of a Higher Power or faith of any kind. I continued to be influenced by them and put my life and happiness on the back burner while trying to please everyone else.
After years of swaying further and further away from God, I felt Him pulling at me to come back. For months, I had this calling to start living my life differently, and I pushed it down for as long as I could.
At this time, I was in a relationship I no longer found myself drawn to emotionally. I felt drained thinking about it, and I knew in my gut that it wasn’t the right place for me to be.
I was experiencing one of the darkest times of my life and no one knew – but my Higher Power did. Because even though I completely abandoned Him, He never left me alone.
I started seeing more and more people on social media and YouTube talking about their faith and spirituality. It gave me such a relief to feel like I wasn’t alone and to have that positive influence that I’d been missing for so long.
At my breaking point, I can confidently say my Higher Power took me and put me right where I needed to be.
I adopted my sweet dog. I started an amazing new job. I ended my relationship. I bought a Bible. I moved in with my family.
All of these wonderful things happening to me started to make so much more sense once I remembered that God is on my side and He wants to see me the happiest I can be. He put me on a new path to be able to reach everything I want out of life and to give me the light that I’ve longed for.
Ever since a few months ago, I’ve been making so much more of an effort to stop trying to control everything in my life. Now, I’m always full of assurance that everything is going to work out as it’s meant to.
I experience far less anxiety than I had before because I’ve let go of self-control (not fully, no one’s perfect!) and have been able to be happy in the present while also looking towards the future and the goals I have set for myself.
I constantly make an effort to remind myself to have less judgment towards others, and I strive to think of things in a positive light no matter how bad they may suck at the time.
I feel like my life has completely turned in the right direction towards something I’ve always known I deserved to have.
If this blog has the ability to help even one person, then it was so worth writing it. If you’re struggling, need someone to talk to, or have any questions for me, please leave a comment on this post or DM me on Instagram @selflovescript. Also let me know what other kinds of posts you’d like to see here. I can’t wait to hear from you!